There are numerous devices out there than can make the whole baby experience even better, but sadly most of them cease to make sense after the first one.
1. Storing things in cute baskets under the changing table.
While you are nesting and making a smart looking nursery you are likely to end up with a setup like this. You might even empty diapers out of their shrink-wrapped pack and into baskets like this. You might keep various lotions, potions, and wipes down there too.
Second Child Reality: A toddler will make short work of your organization. You will start leaving diapers in the shrink-wrap to make them as difficult to throw around as possible. These baskets sing a siren song to your toddler, “dump me out and scatter my contents.” Also, despite what poison control says about kids being unlikely to eat very much of something that tastes bad… a lot of that stuff smells really good….
Solution: A wall mounted shelf at your eye level that will hold a stack of diapers, wipes and various baby potions. Resign the bottom two shelves as the toddler’s domain. You might be surprised and even impressed with what he does with the place.
2. Doorway swings
Look how sweet! Your little girl or guy is dancing and jumping and smiling. It gives you the freedom to do the dishes or whatever.
Second Child Reality: Human Piñata
Solution: There isn’t one. Just be sad.
3. Bouncers and Activity Chairs
This little dream machine allows you to take a shower and allows you to enjoy your baby in those moments when you want to look at them but just really tire of holding them.
Second Child Reality: Ground-level Human Piñata
Solution: There isn’t one. Wow this is getting really depressing.
4. Fancy Diaper Pails
These seem awesome and really help in the early stages when you still have some poo aversion left. Out of sight, out of mind. Fantastic.
Second Child Reality: Very expensive robot trashcan that will eat your valuables along with all the poo that it eats. In reality it cannot contain the stench of a real-food eater. You only thought it was working because newsflash, newborn poo isn’t that gross.
Solution: Throw pee diapers in a trashcan. Put poo diapers in a bag on the back porch and hope that none of the neighborhood animals are coprophagous. Admission: We are still using our expensive robot trashcan that eats poo and valuables and doesn’t contain stench. Perhaps we are insane. That is the only possible explanation.
5. Itzbeen Timer
This thing was pretty good for keeping track of how long since the baby ate (with left or right boob feature) and especially good for timing the dosage on your post-hospital pain killers.
Second Child Reality: Toddler cell phone full of enticing light-up buttons. It even calls Daddy, but not in a come help us way, more in a he has no idea because it isn’t a phone way.
Solution: Just nurse that baby when she seems hungry. Who cares what time it is?
6. Baby Toys
She loves all the bright colors, you can tell she is learning about her world and having fun!
Second Child Reality: Mine. The toys from a toddler’s babyhood are recognized and snatched. New toys for baby are coveted and snatched. Anything hard is a weapon.
Solution: Babies love trash. Trash is the ultimate toy as long as it is not a danger to them. Older siblings will rarely steal trash unless you have asked them too. That’s right, the evil snatching reflex can be used for good, when you don’t want to be the bad guy who snatched the best trash from the baby.
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